Stupid Monkey Award #9

It's been a while since I've had a Stupid Monkey Award. I've been surrounded by stupidity and it was just overwhelming!! LOL

Until today.

Today. O.M.G.

Actually, I saw this car earlier this week but in my uncaffeinated state as I was looking for a parking saw this car and thought I was seeing things. No...it wasn't there. Then the lack of caffeine took over and my head was in a fog and I forgot. POOF! gone.

Until today.

There it was. THE car. THE car that obviously drove to work on the streets of Houston. THE car that drove down busy thoroughfares and probably past a variety of police cars. THE car that has a +/-20-inch muffler extension tied on with blue data cables. THE car with a little red baggy covered in hearts warning motorists behind it not too follow too closely because its muffler is STICKING OUT OVER 20 INCHES!!

Yep. THAT car!!!

I guessing the owner of this car works in an IT department.

I'm guessing this dude isn't married...much less has a girlfriend.

I want to hear this car start up and drive through the parking garage.
vvvvvvvvvvvVVVVVAROOOOOOOOOM!!!!! Cough. Hack. Wheeze.
Followed by a little red baggy flying through the air.

It's hard putting on a gas mask when you're shaking your head.

Stupid Monkey Award

Spring is in the air...Everywhere you look around...Ooooo ooooo ooooh!

Isn't that how that song goes?

I know Spring is here because my Yellow-Crested Night Herons have return to nest in all my oak trees. There must be 6-7 nests in the trees just on my lot. They look pretty funny in the trees because the herons are such a lanky wading bird. And they're babies....OMG...they're babies are U-G-L-Y!!! UGLY!

One must be very careful when walking in the yard under the trees during this time of year. Avoid the "white paint" splatter and never look up. "Bombs" fall from the trees that make pigeon bombs look like a light rain.

This year has been unique. We have a new bird to the zoo. Besides the herons and the hawk families, we've had a duck, yes, a duck, sitting on my roof top lately. I don't live near a pond or a lake. There is a large ditch but it's not really close.


My son was finally home during Spring Break so I put him to work around the house. I had him get up on the roof to sweep off some leaves and limbs that had fallen during the Winter. He's a good boy...most of the time. :)

Well...as he's cleaning the roof and around the chimney, all of a sudden he jumps and screams. A DUCK has jumped out of the chimney! Yes, a duck!?!?!? WTH?!?

She kept a very close eye on my son as he worked around the chimney.

Never letting him out of her sight.

 

The duck finally got off the chimney so my son could take a look to see what she was guarding. Yep. Just as I had figured. A nest.

WTH!?!?!?!?! This is one stupid duck!! What's going to happen when her babies hatch? Has she thought ahead?!?! Obviously not. EGGS!!! OMG. A duck has laid eggs in my chimney. Not just one or two eggs. A BUTT LOAD OF EGGS!!! All I could see were cute little baby ducks hatching and taking their first step and SPLAT! right off the edge of my roof. I would come home to cute little yellow furry broken baby ducks scattered in my yard. I can't have that. They have to be moved.

I gave my son an Easter basket and sent him off to find Easter eggs. :P

He was a little apprehensive at first. EWWWW! roflmao!!

He was worried that momma duck was  going to come after him but she just sat over there watching the egg raider.

She had been a busy duck. She laid THIRTEEN eggs in my chimney!!! OMG!!! Image their cute little yellow furry bodies falling and rolling off my roof. o.O

We moved the eggs onto a plant tray and into a flower bed below ON THE GROUND in hopes momma duck might find them. I know the odds aren't good but we will try.

The chimney now has a make-shift cover on top of a McCain-Palin yard sign and a couple of bricks. It will have to do until I can get some chicken wire to cover it. Hopefully it will last long enough up there to give momma duck the message to nest somewhere else...like on the ground!!!

I had duck eggs in my chimney.   o.O    good grief.

And yes, the Stupid Monkey Award goes to.....
MOMMA DUCK!!!!

And a HUGE THANK YOU to my son for cleaning off the roof... and doing battle with a momma duck!

Stupid Monkey Award #7

For generations, students and alumni from TU (University of Texas) have touted their "superiority" over Texas A&M. Tea-sips are smarter. Tea-sips are better. blah blah blah. Well guess what!!! Tea-sips need to learn how to spell!!! They can't even spell their own freakin' name!!! bwahahahahahahaha!

Today, we award the Stupid Monkey Award to the dumb woman driving this car in front of me on the way to work today. Sweetie, if you want to support your team... LEARN HOW TO SPELL!!!  For those who don't know...They are the Texas LONGHORNS ...not the Longhons. ::shaking head::

GIG'EM AGGIES!!!!!!!

Stupid Monkey Award #6

Read it again. Yep...You read it correctly. 

I'm thinking that MAYBE...just MAYBE...they should have used one of those "Compurers" with SPELLCHECK to make their garage sale signs.

Just sayin'.

Stupid Monkey Award #5

I'm starting to see a trend with our Stupid Monkeys. Seems English is not their first language. The one benefit  of those who don't know English well...they make GREAT comedic material!! LOL  I'm sure the same could be said for Americans learning different languages. It can be confusing. BUT...when in another country, one should make sure their business names and signs don't have dual meanings!!! :D  With that, I give you our next Stupid Monkey Award winner...

A Dong Chinese & Vietnamese Restaurant

First off...A HUGE "Thank You" to fiberotter for sending this fantastic picture!!! Seems they were out and about in Live Oak/Selma, Texas, when they came upon this local Chinese and Vietnamese restaurant. Hmmm...I wonder what's on the menu? Rocky Mountain oysters? Spotted Dick? Or is it a "men's" club? Maybe they play ZZ Top's Tube Snake Boogie.

See?!? Business owners should consult someone who speaks English as a FIRST language before erecting signs. (yes...I said "erecting". LOL)

Joe: Where are you going to lunch today?
Me: Hmmm...I had a hankering for A Dong. Want to go with me? We could share.
Joe: Count me in!

Keep sending those pictures!!



Stupid Monkey Award #4

It's been a dry spell (in more ways than one) for Stupid Monkeys lately...until today. YAY!!!!!! The day had been crazy and I needed a break for lunch so I went downstairs to my old faithful deli. Do you see where this is going yet? LOL That's right folks, we have a repeat Stupid Monkey winner!!

The Deli in My Office Building

::applause:: ::cheer:: ::standing ovation::

On today's menu they had... Chilli Dogs (yes, that's how they spelled it), Fried Shrimp and Lasagna. I opted for a baked potato and I'm glad I did. As I'm standing there waiting for them to fix my potato, I noticed the normal "chilli dog" fixings. It took me a minute to comprehend just what I saw. Then...there, in the yellow squeeze bottle, see it? That's right! It's the SECRET sauce!!! MUSTER! They put muster on our chilli dogs.

I just don't think I can muster up the energy to explain to them what was so funny. Maybe they should muster all the employees for an English as a Second Language class. Yep...they're just not butchering food in our deli. LOL 

I have faith this will not be the last time we see the deli on the coveted Stupid Monkey Award Winner list.

bwahahahahaha!

Must'er die from their insanity?

If you run across a Stupid Monkey, take a picture and send it to whimzeenator@gmail.com.

Stupid Monkey Award #3

I have an interesting drive to work everyday. Part of the drive includes a stretch through the Asian district. Lots of delicious restaurants and interesting stores. I love to go and wonder the grocery stories...no telling what you will see or find!! (I see a photo trip coming up :P )

There's a strip center that cracks me up everytime!! It's there that we find this week's Stupid Monkey Award recipient...

DONG INSURANCE AGENCY

Yes. You read that right. Dong Insurance Agency. I don't know if it's Mr. Dong's insurance company or if they are insuring dongs...maybe it's insurance for the porn industry...but either way, this is one of those times when someone at the sign company who has English as a FIRST language should have spoken up (with a straight face) and said... "Mr. Dong, you might want to think about renaming your company because it sounds like you're insuring tallywackers!"

Granted, I'm sure there are men out there that think they're pecker should be insured because it's God's gift to us all (but we know the truth) and maybe there are some out there that SHOULD insure it. BUT...if that's the case, maybe you could have come up with something more clever like...Dick or Peter or Whanker or Cocks-R-Us.

Maybe I just have a dirty mind that stays in the gutter...but I know I go to work with a smile everyday! :P

Stupid Monkey Award #2

I know it's not Friday yet but I just couldn't wait. The recipient of this week's stupid monkey has a running history of this kind of thing. Without further delay, the winner of Week #2 Stupid Monkey Award goes to...

The Deli in My Office Building

::applause:: ::cheer:: ::standing ovation::

We got a new deli last year. It's been wonderful!! A fantastic change! We actually have choices and plenty of food. It's clean, well lit, and a great place to get away from the cube. YAY DELI! But little did we know that they would also offer entertainment. :D

See, the deli is owned by an Asian family. They are VERY nice. <3 They have hired non-English speaking Mexicans to work the deli and serve their customers. The owners have a heavy accent. Their employees have a heavy accent and are just learning English. English is a second language to both groups. Getting the picture? When you place your order, you have to speak very loud and very slowly and point to what you want. But everybody is always friendly and has a smile. Except when there's no customers...that's when the owner let loose on their employees (BUT that's another award).

So everyday, the deli has specials. They post their specials on a dry-erase board. These specials are always the same each week...so the dishes become very familiar...and should be familiar to those that work there.

Today, we have a NEW soup. I've heard a lot about the benefits of this animal but have never, ever tasted it. I can't wait to have a bowl of Bee & Barley Soup for lunch today! How do you prepare bees? Do you think they went through and pulled off all the little stingers and wings? Do they taste like chicken? Hmmm...I must see where I can find some bees so I can cook with them at home. Wonder if they sell them like shrimp...you know... Jumbo/Carpenter, Medium/Honey, Small/Killer?

Shrimp Fried Rice is another one of their nemesis.  

But the one dish that never fails to entertain us week after week is... Kung Fu Chicken. We NEVER know how it will be spelled. Do we really know what we'll get, too?

I just chalk it up to the language barrier. It's so frustrating at times but DAMN it makes for a good laugh!!!

Congratulations, Deli!!! Keep it up!!!

bwahahahahahahahahaa!

Stupid Monkey Award

I've decided to start a new award here. It's the "Stupid Monkey Award."

One lucky recipient will be chosen each week. Award criteria is based on their level of stupidity displayed, their hope for intelligence, and their capability of rising above their stupidity. In other words...STUPID!!!!!

The first winner of our Stupid Monkey Award is..... ::drum roll, please::  ........

CVS PHARMACY

And the crowd goes wild!!!! ROAR!!!!!!!! APPLAUSE!!!!!! CHEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!

CVS has been displaying a repeated level of stupidity lately. They are definitely NOT the smartest pill in the bottle. And...I don't think there is any hope for them. Here's why...

Example #1
I have three prescriptions to fill. They are on automatic refill. I pick up my prescriptions...take them home...take them daily as directed. Repeat. A month later, I get the usual call from CVS that my prescription refills are ready to pick up. But wait! I still have three bottles full of pills?!?! What's up? I haven't missed any doses. Confusion sets in.  I check the fill date – it was a month ago. ?????  I count my pills. X.O.M.G!!!  For two prescriptions, I have an extra THREE weeks in both bottles. In the third bottle... you ready for this? ... The bottle says ONE HUNDRED were in it. Mind you, I've been taking this for 30 days – there are 70 pills still in there!!  WTH!!!  Obviously, their pill count was off last month. 

Example #2
This week I got a new prescription. CVS was confused by the doctor's instructions so they have to contact him the next day. FINALLY, CVS fills it. I pick it up...go home and read the directions. Cool. Easy. It's an ointment that has an applicator. Where's the applicator? In the bag? no. In the box? no.  There's NO flipping applicator!!! I call the pharmacist. She doesn't believe me and asks me to bring everything back.  Fine. I go back; get the applicator from the pharmacist; and, go back home. Cool. Let's try this again. WHAT?! The applicator does not fit.   ::head desk::   CVS gets ANOTHER call. The pharmacist doesn't believe me again and asks me to bring it back AGAIN. This issue is still not resolved. I have been trying for FOUR days to get this medicine filled. Can't wait to see what she gives me this evening!! SURPRISE!

What is so reassuring is...This is a LEARNING facility. CVS is TRAINING future pharmacists. Now I understand how people get the wrong medications. People...pay attention to what you get from your pharmacy! They are NOT always right!!! Be careful out there.

Watch out for the STUPID MONKEYS of the world!!